Condom
by Vio Lenz
Summary: SasuSaku. NaruHina. Funny little oneshot. Rated T just to be safe. Some adult themes.


"How did this happen?" Sakura asked him.

"I don't know!" He whined.

"Were you using protection?" Sakura asked him.

"Yes! But the condom broke. It was one time! How could Hinata get pregnant after one time?" Naruto cried as his head dropped against the counter.

"What have I always told you?" Kakashi asked him.

"It only takes one seed-"

"To grow a tree." Kakashi finished.

"But once! Kami, what's gonna happen if her father finds out?" He cried.

"What do you mean _if_?" Sakura asked.

"It's going to become apparent pretty soon that she's pregnant." Sasuke told him with a sneer.

"Will it be a painful death do you think?" Sakura asked Sasuke teasingly.

"He's gonna kill me?" Naruto asked with horror.

"No! Of course not!" Sakura replied.

"Torture seems to be more his style." Sasuke finished.

"Why?!" Naruto wailed.

"Because you're the dipshit that didn't make sure his girl was on the pill." Kakashi told him.

"I'm too young for this." Naruto whimpered.

"Your 22! Be a man!" Sakura said shoving him.

"I don't want to be a man!" Naruto wailed.

"Thank Kami, I'll never need condoms." Sasuke muttered.

"Oh yeah? And why's that?" Kakashi asked.

"Because I'm going to want to get my girl pregnant, and I'm not going to have sex until I know I can take care of a kid!" Sasuke said looking directly at Naruto.

"Hey! I tried man!" Naruto told him aggressively.

"That is true; we've got to give him credit for at least _thinking_ of protection." Sakura said diplomatically.

"At least I'm not going to force my wife into having kids." Naruto muttered.

"Yeah Sasuke, what did you mean by you wanting to get your girl pregnant?" Sakura asked looking at him.

"I have to rebuild the clan, and that involves a lot of kids." Sasuke said simply. Sakura looked at him stunned.

"Lot of diapers as well." Kakashi pointed out.

"It's worth it." Sasuke replied.

"It's worth turning your wife into a baby making machine?" Sakura asked him hot-temperedly.

"She won't mind."

"Oh really? And how do you expect to find some girl who willing to pop out your twenty million offspring?" Sakura sneered at him.

"I guess that's my problem isn't it?"

"You disgust me." She told him sourly.

"High expectation, isn't it?" Kakashi asked.

"Want mine?" Naruto chuckled.

"No thanks." Sasuke replied.

"You all make me sick." Sakura told them all with a glare.

"Yep, I suppose we do." Sasuke replied.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

"How did this happen?" Sasuke cried as he looked at the pregnancy test.

"Well, I ended up marrying Mr. I-don't-need-condoms. And I can't go on the pill until after I stop breast feeding. Great job!" Sakura told him huffily and she sat on their bed.

"Eight kids? How are we going to handle eight of them?" Sasuke asked.

"We? Oh no mister! It's not you who has to get up in the middle of the night to feed them, change them and rock them to sleep! I let you slumber peacefully because you're the only one bringing in money currently!" Sakura told him bitterly.

"What if I helped with this one?" Sasuke asked.

"That's what you said three kids ago." Sakura told him.

The couple had been married for ten years now and already had seven children, not including the one on the way. Midori was the oldest, a boy at 9, and was the spitting image of his father. Izanami was 7, and into everything, and had Sasuke's face but Sakura's hair. Kano and Kyoko were identical twins, 6 years of age; both children had dark hair and green eyes. Junko was 4, looked like her father more than any of the others combined, and was smart as a tack. Raidon was 3 and had the brightest pink hair that anyone had ever seen, and his father's dark eyes. And last but not least was the baby of the family, Etsu. At barely a year old she had her father's heart in the palm of her hand and knew exactly what to do with it.

"So what are we going to do?" Sakura asked.

"We're not going to worry."

"But can we handle another one?" Sakura asked.

"Yes. I always had plans for a big family. This little one just adds to it." Sasuke said placing a hand on her stomach.

"Alright, but after this one we give my uterus a rest, It's been popping out kids for a long time and would like to request a break." Sakura told him. He chuckled and kissed her.

"Alright, but only a small one, we have at least three more rooms empty down the hall and it's my plan to fill it." Sasuke told her.

"Ten kids? Are you trying to drive me mad?" Sakura asked.

"Maybe just a little. So … are you up to the challenge?"

"Of rearing your brats? Sweetheart, I was up for it when I married you. Let's try for ten, if it makes you happy."

"Twelve would make me happier." He told her with a grin.

"Aren't you cute? No."


End file.
